Here are a selection of my blog posts that you might find interesting. You can find the full set of posts at therapy place blog
The right to choose more than black and white
You can follow this blog at therapy place blog
26 April 2017
Recently, I had a long and exhilarating conversation with a male colleague who had sought to challenge some black and white (binary thinking) by making a particular job application. We spoke the day after his application had been turned down on the grounds of occupational requirement – this is a circumstance where it is lawful to be treated differently due to your sex.*
One of the reasons it became such a meaningful conversation is that the failed application appeared to raise so much detail about the way humans get locked into simplistic or binary thinking. Take, for instance, the complex sociopolitical situation the UK has become embroiled in since Brexit first reared its head. You don’t have to look too hard to have seen numerous examples from both the ‘in’ and ‘out’ camps of over-simplification and binary thinking. Such debates perhaps underline that the world is a complex place but that our actual ability to cope with these complexities is limited. Maybe it’s best to see that, in seeking simple solutions, we largely ignore or hide the complexities.
After my conversation with my colleague I was left to consider something I have lived with the whole of my psychotherapeutic career – the fact that women who you might expect to want to work with another women often choose to come and work with a man instead.
Simple and binary thinking might lead you to imagine that a woman who has lived in a coercive or abusive relationship with a man would only want to work with a woman. Similarly, if you are female and have been raped by a man, then it might be expected that you would only work with a woman. However, as we have already discussed, the reality is that the real world is more complex. While it might be that many women feel far more comfortable working with a female therapist, some women make different choices. Some women – especially those who have also suffered at the hands of other women – actually need to work with a male therapist. It might be that to work in a safe, secure space with a trained, registered and accredited male therapist can offer certain women the opportunity to begin to work towards trusting men again.
On numerous occasions during my career, I am glad to have been prepared and able to offer to be a trusted man in the repair work women have undertaken. I just wish that all therapeutic and support organisations would consider getting their palettes out, mix the black and white, and do some ‘grey’ thinking by offering the opportunity for women who need it their choice of gender for their recovery.
You can read more blog posts below or by visiting the therapy place blog
Blue Monday, acceptance and the ‘good enough’ New Year’s Resolution
10 January 2017
For a moment, I’m not thinking about why, for so many people, things might get so rotten early in the year.
Where we live: family, home and not making assumptions
30 Nov 2016
The situation in which people live is a common subject that comes up in therapy. There are students new... Read more at therapy place blog
The mood forecast for the autumn
26 October 2016
As the temperature and light levels drop at this time of year, so each day rapidly shortens. Falling leaves unequivocally announce autumn and the inescapable ‘decline’ towards winter... Read more at therapy place blog
Effective solutions for failing relationships
27 September 2016
It is never comfortable to feel that one is failing at something in life. When it comes to a relationship failing, we can all bring out pretty special defence systems that keep us away from this recognition... Read more at therapy place blog
A stitch in time …
29 March 2016
In total, with two different therapists I spent 8-and-a-half-years in therapy. For 5-and-a-half-years I even went twice a week... Read more at therapy place blog
When someone strays
29 February 2016
Most people – whether through experience or empathy – can understand the range of feelings that go through someone’s mind and body when they discover their partner has, or is currently having, an affair... Read more at therapy place blog
Men: porn, relationships and the respectful gaze?
31 October 2015
As part of my wide-ranging work as a therapist, I engage in conversations with men who have issues with pornography and sexual addictions... Read more at therapy place blog
When the sex goes bad, make the talking good
1 July 2015
Sadly, lots of people don’t feel very satisfied with what happens in their sex lives, and there are many reasons why it can go wrong... Read more at therapy place blog
Cheaper than a divorce
1 May 2015
Some of the ills of today’s multi-media, socially networked life are that expectations of things can be unrealistically high. From rom-coms to choosing... Read more at therapy place blog